can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
