I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize