she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
