dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The air was thick with penises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
