weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
