Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
