I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
