I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
