I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
