she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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