he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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