is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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