Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
