So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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