Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
