I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
