you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
