:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
