I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
When are your genitals available?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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