She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was born a porn star she said
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
