i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
