I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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