Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
