Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
