yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize