Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
