Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
