I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the day after is always just damage control
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
