Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
