so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
