420 ftw
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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