i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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