the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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