I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize