It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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