She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize