filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
