i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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