when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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