Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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