Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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