so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Mom said you looked used
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
