I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
