I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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