First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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