:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
