he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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