Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
