No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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