On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
