Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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