I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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