so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize