Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
