no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
