he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize