I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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