Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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