We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
