he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
