Need sex. Gaining weight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
