Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
