Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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