Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize