Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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