It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
