We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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