neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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