i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
