somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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