OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
