Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So many bounce houses so little time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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