I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
