i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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