whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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