her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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