what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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