My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
