My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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