she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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