I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
