We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
