Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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