Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
