What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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