I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
