she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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