Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
