I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
