Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my shit smells like andre
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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