And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
