Swine flu. Run for my life!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
