i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
