You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize