You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
