i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
