i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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