Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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