Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is the high leading the old right now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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