you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
