i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Drunk is not a location!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
