she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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