I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
