Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
