Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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