Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
