eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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