I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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