You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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